Dad Blocks Daughter's Grad School Dreams, Calls It 'Delaying Adulthood'

A Father’s Dilemma: Supporting His Daughter’s Ambitions or Setting Boundaries

A father is facing a difficult decision about whether to financially support his daughter’s pursuit of graduate school. While he is proud of her accomplishments, he is struggling with the idea of funding her education if she isn’t certain about her future goals. This situation has sparked a conversation on Reddit about the balance between parental support and setting boundaries.

The 46-year-old dad shared his thoughts in a post, expressing that he is “incredibly proud of her and everything she’s accomplished so far.” However, he feels conflicted about her decision to pursue grad school at this time. His daughter, who is 23 years old, is not entirely sure what she wants to do with the degree she’s working toward. He believes she might be using higher education as a way to delay entering adulthood.

While her mother covers most of her current expenses, the father made it clear that he does not plan to contribute financially. When asked about his stance, he told her, “I wasn’t planning to give anything.” He initially didn’t oppose the idea of her going to grad school but made it clear that he wouldn’t fund it unless there was a clear plan in place.

He noted that his daughter works part-time, but it isn’t enough to cover tuition and living expenses. At home, she splits her time between her parents and doesn’t pay rent, but the father feels this arrangement can’t continue forever. He suggested she consider starting grad school online so she could keep working and avoid extra costs. However, this idea was dismissed, and the decision was made for her to move out, get an apartment, and attend school while working part-time—with little input from him.

When asked again if he would contribute financially, he stood firm: “I said no.” He emphasized that he supports her as a person, but he doesn’t support this particular decision. His hesitation seems rooted in the fact that both he and his ex-wife earned their graduate degrees later in life, after becoming young parents themselves. The timing of his daughter’s choice feels premature to him.

He now wonders if he’s in the wrong, asking the Reddit community, “AITAH for refusing to help pay for her grad school when I don’t agree with how she’s approaching it?” His dilemma resonates with many, sparking thoughtful advice from commenters.

Some users reminded him that “Your money, your choice.” One user suggested that while it’s okay to say no, he should “tread carefully” to avoid straining the relationship. Others encouraged the father to communicate love and support clearly. One comment stated, “If this is what she wants then you’re happy for her but that you aren’t comfortable financing it.”

Maintaining connection is key, even if they disagree on this matter. Another commenter advised keeping things simple by saying, “I’ve budgeted for other responsibilities,” and then focusing on staying involved in her life by checking in and inviting her out.

In his own words, he remains hopeful about their relationship: he “supports her as a person” even as he questions her path. This situation highlights the complex emotions that come with parenting and the challenges of balancing support with personal boundaries.